Nine Months

22 Dec

Today marks nine months since I’ve seen her face. Before Ana died, I never realized how many parallels there are with birth and death. both events are transformative, life changing, life affirming. Yes, even death is life affirming. There is … Read More »

Snow

14 Dec

It’s December and, well, I’m not okay. I start each day with the best of intentions: I will be more productive, I will be present and mindful, I will bring Ana with me into the new day… Oh, but I … Read More »

Modern Loss Essay

4 Dec

This is my first piece in Modern Loss. I wrote it in October (also the last time I saw a hummingbird in the yard). Rereading it reminds me that I’ll have something very special to look forward to in spring. … Read More »

Well, We Did It

24 Nov

It’s impossible for me to describe the first Thanksgiving without Ana, because it didn’t feel like she wasn’t here. It felt like Ana was everywhere — in the deviled eggs her aunt Amy made, in Emily’s Christmas-themed bedroom, in the … Read More »

Gratitude and Loss

21 Nov

In September, when everyone’s Facebook feeds were filled with back to school photos and brightly decorated college dorm rooms, I felt particularly bereft. I mean, no more so than now I suppose — with Thanksgiving looming and all, but it … Read More »