That Christmas Ache

23 Dec

We’re just about ready for Christmas. I bought far too many gifts for Emily, everything’s wrapped, and the house is overflowing with decorations (including our comically large Christmas tree that Emily INSISTED on this year). It looks like Christmas. I … Read More »

Pink Floyd Road Trip

28 Jul

We picked up Emily from the NYSSSA summer art program in Fredonia yesterday (she was gone a month). We drove the entire day (and into the night) because she really wanted to come home. We were originally going to stay … Read More »


30 Jun

I’m starting to realize that there’s no coming out from the other side of grief. At least, not parental grief. It’s not a thing or an emotion or even a concept – it’s a seismic shift in perspective. I’m having … Read More »


5 Jun

I’ve been thinking a lot about endings, how we rarely get to choose them, how they seem so nebulous and distant until they’re right on top of us. Emily’s last day of 8th grade is next Friday. She’s been going … Read More »

Seventeen Years

16 May

Dear Ana, Today is your 17th birthday and you’re not here to celebrate it. I wish I could remember all the details from the day you were born. I remember feeling impatient to have you because you were ten days … Read More »

Ana’s Face For a Day

15 May

Well, tomorrow is Ana’s birthday. Like most teens, Ana was very selective about what photos she posted to social media and I’d gotten into the (good) habit of asking her before I posted anything. Since she died, I love seeing … Read More »

Memory Quilt

9 Apr

At the start of the school year, I reached out to my friend Jodi (an incredibly gifted quilter) and asked if she could turn some of Ana’s clothes into a quilt. By then, I’d already moved my desk into Ana’s … Read More »

There’s music in us

29 Mar

Thank you for remembering Ana last week with your cranes. I loved seeing everyone’s photos. I also loved seeing the occasional photo of Ana that I’d never seen before. I saved those when I saw them–what an incredible gift to … Read More »